I have written about this only once in my lifetime. I rarely even talk about it. I always say that ELBI is set for another story. I have reserved an entirely another paradigm to write about ELBI. And time and again, I have always procrastinated. I can never allow myself to write about it again.
The first time I wrote something about ELBI was about 8 or 9 years ago. It was a sad time for most of us. I wrote a book entitled BOGAS. I have made 2 copies - one I kept for myself, and the other, I gave to someone who might have already lost it by now. When I wrote that book, the memories were vivid. I only had to sit for a moment to gather my thoughts. Pages and pages of memories filled my days. The days turned to months and before I knew it, I had written my first book. As the years passed, I forgot about having ever written it. I have invested too much emotions writing it and it has almost drained me of ever feeling anything again. I have never written anything quite like it again.
Browsing through my old shelves about a week ago, I came upon the once familiar book with the orange cover. I started reading it but felt I couldn't go on. Since last week, the BOGAS book has lain on my bedside table, patiently waiting for me to read it again. It will have to wait for a very long time.
Sometimes you think you're through with your past, but your past ain't through with you. I tried moving on and letting go co'z the past's dead, it can't kill me now.
These days, I admit that ELBI was one of the best things that ever happened to me. If you're thinking college life - no, that's not what it is. ELBI is much more than college life for me. Back then, it was life. It was everything to me. It was home, it was friends, family - past and future. So when it shattered, my life came away to pieces with it. I have picked up the shards since then. I have had my share of bleeding and crying. The scars are almost gone. But I still can't write about ELBI. Why?
In my heart, I know that everything is almost over with ELBI. I have said this before, and I will say it again: No matter how great my past life may have been, it is now exclusively history. I feel the detachment now. I feel ELBI now as one distant memory. Again, why can't I write about it? It is perhaps because I have this one last hope hanging. I have left the place in a hurry without properly closing my doors. I have abandoned a part of my life thinking that I was without options then. Now, I feel the distance. And yes, I want to build my bridges to my past again. I would want to continue where I have left off, if only to see if I have really made the right choices. One last time, let me see and feel ELBI again.
If only for one last time.
