In the last few years, I have been more of a reader than a writer. A lurker, more than the star of the show. I'm sure you know what I mean. In the past, I have always had this innate thirst to be the center of everyone's life. I wanted to matter, no matter what. I had that. And I thought I had it all. But at the end of the show, I realized, it was really nothing but that - just a show.
These days, I find comfort in being on the side. I've learned to enjoy to watch life go by. I feel no insane pressure to change the world. I have no need to make a mark. I am simply watching the world - as it should be seen. Naked and raw. Vivid and...unchanged.
Little by little, I've come to realize that the cause of great disappointment and pain is wanting too much, giving too much, and hoping for too much. It's not so bad to take each day as it comes, you know. Not bad at all.
Today, I find great joy in watching a dried leaf soar up when a big gust of wind scoops it up. I find it hilarious to spend hours with my dog and I just staring into each other's eyes. A new recipe which I perfected on the first try is an accomplishment. Waking up, and then having the luxury to sleep right back is one hell of a miracle for me. I am one with myself. I am at peace with my world.
I'm living my life. And I'm living it well. Not many people can claim that. When I'm older and life, for one reason or another may turn for the worse, I will make sure to look back here. I know I will find my way back. This is my road back to my corner. My own.
