choices

when it comes to choices, everything seems to be always easier said than done.
...the distracting images of waking consciousness mesmerize my mind,

when it comes to choices, there are never easy decisions to make.
...distracting me, confounding me, obscuring the choices, confronting me.

when it comes to choices, you almost always create extra complications.
... floating along, buffeted about by chance occurrences I snatch onto --

when it comes to choices, choosing is the last thing you want to do.
...then I know I have two choices for what is real.

when it comes to choices, you always deal with it--sooner or later.
...do I drop into the blackness, or do I turn to the light?

these are random thoughts---random choices of words--for i was too tired to choose my words, too weary to choose my thoughts---

My Day-Off That Wasn’t

Technically, my days off from work are Saturdays and Sundays. For almost 2 months now, I’ve been spending my weekends like any normal working yuppy here in the Metro-stay at home, catch-up with my DVD watch list, read my favorite paperbacks, tend to my plants (count my money, hah!). Suddenly, all to my utter exasperation, this routine had to change last weekend.

It all started right after the 80’s party. After the usual catered food and awarding blahs, some friends at the workplace decided to cap the “night” off with a “one-for the-road” drinks at Café Valero. Of course, one drink didn’t prove to be just ONE bottle, but a couple (more than a couple for Mr. Bolo, actually), and then capping the night off turned out to be one minor gimmick. So there, it was technically the official launch of my Saturday morning day-off, but where was I? Drinking and doing some other nasty stuff at 6 AM. That was freaking 6AM!!

At around noon, I staggered my way home and boy, was I so glad that Oli staggered along with me. Oli is one of the new guys at the office and since his way home is pretty much my way home too, we usually go home together. I got home around lunchtime. Nope, I didn’t have lunch with Connie and Meng (my sisters) and Mai (my adopted sister who is actually my cousin – why not just call her your cousin? DuH!). I was too full to eat my usual (ahem, traditional) Saturday brunch with them. Same banana during dinnertime. I was all too sleepy to join them devouring our usually favorite dinner cuisine–pasta! And then just as I woke up at 10PM, ‘twas their turn to get to sleep. So there, I was all alone and spent Saturday night by my lonesome blogging and watching old DVD movies.

Of course Sunday morning was sleepy time again. And then in the afternoon, I had to meet some people at work to do some OTY* stuff. The whole VOODOO was supposed to meet at Shelly’s place. But for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why only Mayu and I showed up. No problem. We were only making a mobile fish, and 3 pairs of hands were quite enough. I was expecting a fully festooned fish in just about 4 hours of OTY.

How terribly, dreadfully, appallingly wrong I was! We started at about 5ish in the afternoon. At 9Pm, we were barely halfway. At about 11, we were just having dinner (thanks to Shelly’s mom for the tasty sinigang with gabi). At midnight, we went to 7-11 for a much needed cigarette break for Mayumi. At 1AM, my head was screaming at the fish (just ½ fish at this point). By 4AM, everybody was pretty exhausted (by the way, Anne and RJ: thanks for helping out – Shelly’s sis and pseudo-brother in law). Since all of us were pretty pooped at this point, we went to this really under-rated place at Miranda Street. I would say it was under rated since I’ve never heard about it in any ad but the food there was super! So there, liempo and bulalo at 4 in the morning, wearing yesterday’s clothes and without a chance of getting my teeth brushed, dried glue stuck on my elbows and greenish thumbs from the crepe paper, and I was having the best time of my day off! And oh, did I already tell that we had to walk some 30 blocks to and back Shelly’s place and Miranda St.?
I got home at around 7AM. Well, technically, 7:30. Because I had no spare change except for a good 20 bucks, I couldn’t even attempt to flag a cab. Cabs on Monday mornings are next to the devil himself. They would almost always ensnare hardworking people like me to pay more than what is due. So with my measly 20 bucks, I had to wait for an Anonas jeep to take me to my lonely, neglected home. Back in my bedroom, I suddenly realized that I had work tonight. Damn, I had to go sleep already or else I’m the zombie Voodoo tonight.

As I finish writing this log, I suddenly have the urge to ask myself one thing that has been bothering me since I started writing. “Where the hell did my day-off go?”
Don’t answer that please…

(By the way, special thanks to my sister Meng who had to sleep on the couch the whole night waiting up for me so she could open the front door when I get home. Time and again, I have been the quintessence scatterbrained individual who forgot to bring her keys. And of course, my obtuse-brain of a maid had the guts to not return from her allowed day-off and spent the night out again. Thanks Meng!)


*OTY is doing things that are work-related but are done outside office hours. Ordinarily, this is simply called OT or Overtime but we weren’t getting paid for this, so it was “Only Thank You”, hence OTY.

VOODOOS: all work and no play...not!

Been bitching 'bout too much work (and nonexistent social life!) these last couple of months. Sure enough, just when I could take "all work and no play" no more, the VOODOOS* decided enough is enough and we just had to go out and play.

Funny how too much work can get to anyone's sanity - Here's Mayu and Drew endorsing NOKIA. Damn. Let's all go out and get drunk. NOW!

And then here's 3 model wannabees who can’t seem to get enough of

pics and poses after every shift.

Ayan pa o..Bored ba kayo kayo mga iha? Or matayog lang talaga pangarap niyong maging model?








Hoy Jing, di na naiba pose mo! Humawak ka naman ng ibang parte maliban sa bewang mo!
Bossing Sam treated us to a movie and later on, as per consensus, set off for one of the better KTV bars at Jupiter. (You look SAD ) --->


"Hindi ka naman mashado ng gutom ha Sharon? Ahihihi!"

Here are some snaps at IO where we had a whole night of bashing, thrashing, thumping and basically just VOODOO-ing. Oh yeah, did I also mention drinking and singing?

Just a couple of days after that boisterous night-dawn-morning at Greenbelt-IO-Northpark, the 80’s party came next.

At eto palang si Chris, naexcite! Mantakin niyo, alas kuwatro pa lang, nasa office na siya at nag-iintay ng mga makeup artist niya.. !

The whole VOODOO came in 80’s attire and it was such an awesome thing to be the most stared at team, ahihi…

This girl, her name’s Shelly (also Tapsi Queen if you may, since we’ve always wanted to taste her TapSiLog), won the “Best 80’s Costume. Sabi ko nga, Shelly, nasa edad yan.. Ahihihi!
"Oy Bolo, di pa tayo umiinom ulit, sleepy eyes ka na!"
At eto namang si Burs, hala, nagmodel!

"Etong si Neneng, pakihatid po sa bahay"...hehe. Sharon came in with oversized jumpers and basically looked like a 7- year old..Neneng, sayaw naman dien!

So there who says I’ve been shunning playtime, huh? These last few days have been a blast. Sure did give me a much-needed invigoration. On the 30th, some old friends (Mga Bogas!!) and I are cookin’ somethin’ up. It’s gonna be an out of town affair this time. Will post the pics here as soon as we take ‘em.

*VOODOO is my team's nick at the workplace.

Social Awareness, Everyone!

I've come across an anonymous mail sent through another anonymous person (then through yet another anonymous person )-->til it was finally forwarded to me by (my almost anonymous sister) connie. (whew!) It so happened that this mail got me feeling so frustrated and anguished that I just had to write and share something about it. I have included some excerpts of this mail in this log so you guys could try to figure why this one has evoked a certain consciousness in my usually jaded non- social awareness.

(***To the person who wrote the email of which the excerpts are shown below, I wish you could've been less anonymous so I could properly cite your name in this log. You have written well, if I may say so...so let the world know who you are! Whoever you are, your opinions are respected and if I would be misinterpreting some of your thoughts, I take full responsibilty of it. Forgive me. ***)

Here is the first part:

...Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko. Sukang-suka na

ko sa mga nangyayari sa bansang 'to! Walang katapusang corruption, walang kamatayang pangbabatikos, pagbabatuhan ng tae at pagpapa-taasan ng ihi ng mga pulitiko sa bawat isa, walang tigil na imbestigasyon ng kung ano-anong isyu pero wala namang matinong resolusyon, walang puknat na pag-aagawan ng

kapangyarihan sa pagitan ng mga partido, patuloy na pagdami

ng tamad at tangang Pilipino, patuloy na pakikipaglaban ng

ideolohiyang wala namang silbi...

So, everybody agree so far? Sa totoo lang, napakarami nang nasabi tungkol sa lintek na pulitika ng bansa natin. At sa lahat ng mga nasabi na, marami ang nagkakasundo na bulok ang sistema natin--bulok noon, mas bulok pa ngayon. Kunsabagay, sa panahon ngayon, ano ba naman ang hindi nabubulok? Lahat nasisira. Dala ng sistema, ng karanasan, ng kung anu-anong palpak na ideyang di mo alam kung saan pinupulot ng bulok ding nagdudunong-dunungan... Sino sila?

Eto ang pangalawang bahagi ng email:

...MGA CORRUPT NA GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND WORKERS, MGA TAMBAY NA PILIPINO NA ANG LALAKI NG KATAWAN PERO HINDI NAMAN NAGTRATRABAHO AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX,

MGA MAYAYAMAN AT ARISTANG TAX EVADERS,

PATI MGA AKTIBISTA, NPA AT IBA PANG IDEOLOGICAL
GROUPS NA HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX PERO PANG-GULO!!!

Right. I totally agree. In other words, Pasaway..Sorry, wala akong ibang maisip na salita. Pasaway. Na sa una't -una pa lang, dapat alam na nila kung anong mali nila. Taena, nangitngit ako tuwing maaalala ko na kahit minsan, hindi ko naisip na pahirapan ang bansa ko. Sa lahat ng ginawa ko sa buhay, wala akong mga batas na sinuway at lalong hindi ako nagbabalak gumawa ng ikakasira nito. Yang mga pulitikong yan, yang mga artistang yan, yang mga iba pang tax evaders at aktibista, me isip naman sila eh! Kaso nga..pasaway...

...Lagi na lang sinasabi ng mga pulitiko: Ipaglaban ang masa! Tulungan angmasa! Mahalin ang masa!

PUNYETA! MASA LANG BA ANG TAO SA PILIPINAS?

SINO BA TALAGA ANG BUMUBUHAYSA PUNYETANG BANSANG TO?

SAAN BA GALING ANG PANGPAGAWA NG MGA TULAY AT KALYE?

SAAN BA GALING ANG PORK BARREL? SAAN BA GALING ANG PERANG KINUKURAKOT NYO? KAMI NA MGA MANGGAGAWA AT MIDDLE CLASS NA BAGO Pa

MAKUHA ANG SWELDO BAWAS NA - KAMI ANG BUMUBUHAY SA WALANG KWENTANG BANSA NA 'TO!!!!!!!!! BAKIT, YANG BANG MGA MASANG YAN NA LAGI NA LANG SENTRO NG PLATAPORMA NG MGA PULITIKO

EH NAGBABAYAD BA NG TAX???!!!! F**K YOU!KAHIT ISA SA MGA NAG-RA-RALLYING MGA SQUATTER NA YAN, KAHIT SINGKO HINDI NAG-RE-REMIT YAN SA BIR!

PERO PINAPAKINGGAN BA KAMI NG GOBYERNO? LAGI NA LANG OPINYON NG MASA ANG INIINTINDI NG GOBYERNO. KUNG SINO ANG NAG-RA-RALLY, SA EDSA, SILA ANG NASUSUNOD. KUNG SINO ANG MAS MALAKAS SUMIGAW PERO WALA NAMANG ECONOMIC CONTRIBUTION,

SILA LAGI ANG FOCUS PAG MAY PROBLEMA. SILA LAGI ANG BIDA. KAMING MGA ORDINARYONG OFFICE WORKERS,OFW'S,

LABORERS AT IBA PANG NAG-TRA-TRABAHO AT

NAGBABAYAD NG TAX - KAMI ANG NAGPAPAKAHIRAP PARA BUHAYIN ANG PILIPINAS. KAMI ANG MGA TUNAY NA BAYANI NG BANSA!!!

...Tuwing nakikita ko ang payslip ko, nag-iinit ang

ulo ko at gusto kong maiyak sa inis.

Napakalaki ng tax na binabawas sa akin pero

ginagamit lang sa walang kwentang

bagay ang perang pinaghirapan ko.

Lahat ng pagtitipid

ginagawa ko para suportahan ang sarili ko,

pamilya ko at ang punyetang bansang to...

..Saan napupunta?

P****** INA! PERA KO YANG PINAPAGPAPASASAAN NYO!!!!!

Yung tax na binabayad ko, pinapangsuporta sa mga mahihirap.

Saan ba galing ang pera pangpagawa ng housing at pagtulong sa mga mahihirap, di ba sa mga manggagawa na nagbabayad ng buwis!

Pero karamihan ng mahihirap, kung
umasta kala mo inaapi sila ng sobra...

...SA TOTOO LANG NO, ANG MGA MAHIHIRAP,

LALONG NAGHIHIRAP KASI MGA TAMAD!

Ang daming mga tambay sa kalye na walang trabaho pero ang laki ng katawan.

Eh kung sila ba nagkargador sa pier eh di sana may pera sila.

TAPOS WALA NA NGANG PERA, ANAK PA NG ANAK! PUNYETA! LALO NYO LANG PINAPADAMI ANG TAMAD AT TANGA SA MUNDO!!!!!

Naaawa ako sa mga batang pakalat-kalat sa kalye at namamalimos. Imbes na nag-aaral, dumadagdag lang sila sa bilang ng mga future criminals sa Pinas.

Hindi ako magtataka na yung batang nakita kong namamalimos sa Cubao, pagkatapos ng ilang taon cellphone snatcher na.

YUNG MGA MAGULANG NAMAN DYAN, COMMON SENSE LANG! HIRAP NA HIRAP NA NGA KAYO SA BUHAY, MANGDADAMAY PA KAYO NG IBA?! PAPARAMIHAN NYO PA LAHI
NYO!

...Isa pang mga grupo ng tao na nakakainis, yung mga aktibista, NPA at kung ano-ano pang ideological political groups.

Sabi nila, mahal na mahal nila ang Pilipinas kaya pinagpalalaban nila ang kanilang mga adhikain. PUNYETA!

EH HINDI RIN KAYO NAGBABAYAD NG TAX! ANG KAKAPAL RIN NG MGA MUKHA NYO! MGA IPOKRITO! MAHAL DAW ANG PILIPINAS AYAW NAMAN MAGBAYAD NG BUWIS! BAKIT MAY BIR COLLECTOR BA SA GITNA NG MENDIOLA AT EDSA?! MAY TAXCOLLECTION BA SA BUNDOK?!

WALA DIN NAMAN KAYONG MGA TRABAHO!

KUNG MAYTRABAHO TALAGA KAYO, HINDI KAYO MAG-RA-RALLY DAHIL SAYANG ANG SWELDO NYO PAG ABSENT KAYO!

PAANO NYO MAIPAPAKITA ANG PAGMAMAHAL NYO SA PILIPINAS KUNG WALA NA KAYONG GAWANG MATINO KUNDI MAG-RALLY AT MAMUNDOK??!!! ISAPA YANG MGA MAYAYAMAN AT MGA ARTISTA, NA NANGDADAYA AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG BUWIS. ANG KAKAPAL NG MUKHA NYO!

ANG DAMI NYO NA NGANG PERA NANGDADAYA PA KAYO SA TAX!!!!

HINDI NYO NAMAN MADADALA SA IMPIERNO YANG MGA KAYAMANAN NYO. MASUSUNOG LANG DUN YAN. KAYA LALONG BUMABAGSAK ANG NEGOSYO DITO SA PILIPINAS, KASI MGA NEGOSYANTE MANDARAYA.

PATI SHOWBIZ
INDUSTRY, BAGSAK NA DIN. KARMA ANG TAWAG DYAN.

MGA BALASUBAS KASI...

...Kung kinakailangang magka-giyera para magtino ang mga Pilipino, ayos lang. Masyado na kasing matigas ang ulo ng mga tao dito.

Gusto ng kalayaan, pero hindi naman handang panagutan ang responsibilidad ng pagiging malaya.

Meron daw pinaglalaban na prinsipyo at adhikain pero takot namang mamatay para dito....

Marami pang pwedeng idagdag--at marami na ding nasabi. Pero sa ngayon, tama na muna to. Namnamin mo ang nabasa mo. Pakinggan mo ang katotohanan sa bawat salita nito. Di ba ang sarap magngitngit? Tama, maraming nasabi na. Pero tama na muna.

Kung sino man ang sumulat ng email na natangap ko, well-said po. I couldn't agree more. Salamat.