One Crappy Entry

It's 4AM and I'm staring at this almost blank screen. What to write, I ask myself. I lit a cigarette to help jumpstart my pondering process. And I've been hitting on long drags but the mind opts to laze around today.

The words in my head are all jumbled up. I have a couple of things that I want to write about but I find myself getting lazier and lazier with each letter I type on my keyboard.

So I keep on staring at this screen, wondering if I could ever muster anything to post today.

For now, this crappy entry will have to do. I vow to write something more substantial tomorrow. I hate this feeling of not being able to express myself as easily like I used to.

Maybe I should stop stop thinking too much for a bit.

Mid Year Question

Mid year review for 2011--
This year is full of surprises. A lot of changes has happened over the course of the last 6 months. I must admit, most of these has left me panting and astonished. Let me not get into the boring nitty gritties of my mundane life. (But) So far, I've left my old boring job for another boring one. In the last 6 months, I've also been more docile(!) in terms of handling altercations. I might have been feral and ferocious in the past, yes. But lately, I have been surprising myself because I have become more laidback and...yes, docile. I dent exacly know what changed. If, in the past, I found great joy in debating and trying to prove I'm right, these days, I just keep quiet and let other people believe what they want to believe. I have become more detached, but not apathetic. I still care about what's happening around me, but I have become less controlling. Good thing? I dont know. One thing that scares me about all these is the possibility of me becoming jaded. Could it be? Have I grown so old that I no longer find passion and intensity with the world around me? I dont know, but being 30 seems like an awful lot early to feel old. Something in me has gone astray, but I still cant figure out what. I've said this before and I will say it again - I need to feel passionate about something..anything. During the last few years, I have stopped, little by little, doing the things I love. I stopped writing. I rarely play the guitar anymore. I've stopped going out with friends. I don't feel as excited with my job anymore. I rarely ever paint and sketch. What stopped me from doing all these? That is the question.

Life's a Bliss with K

Ninety days from my last post was when I stopped being lonely.
About 8 months ago, I've learned to let go of old hurts and pains.
About 8 months ago, I've started looking at life through rose-colored glasses again.
It was utterly unexpected, yet awesomely thrilling.
It was, is a sweet, sweet ride to oblivion, where I was fully well aware of being alive and...
...being loved.

I never thought happiness can stay.
Life in this corner is a bliss.

Zombie

I woke up one morning and I was a zombie. I need to feel passionate again - about something. Anything.

My Little Piece of Sky

And as I write this, I'm right beside my window looking out. It's raining outside, and the clouds are too low, you think I could touch them. The rain's so fine its almost invisible. Yet I see them.

Something about today wants to make me look up to the skies. I should be somewhere else, doing something else. Yet I grabbed a chair, placed it right next to my window, and stared out. Do I see something? Should I see something?

I don't. But I suddenly feel that this is my place today. If something ever comes out of this, I'll tell you soon. For now, let me enjoy my piece of sky by my window side.

You?

It surprised me. It took me but a moment to realize how much I like you. I mean...you?

I should have known it from the time I started dreaming about you. From the time you started showing me the extra attention which I thought bothered me. When you stopped paying me the extra time, I kinda missed it. But...you?

I dont know where this is going. Or if it is even going somewhere. My heart tells I should just go on with the ride. But my mind tells me I've been travelling too far and wide without really going anywhere. This shouldn't really be a difficuly decision. It can't be...you.

Enough Said. For Now.

I couldn't say exactly when I started feeling great again. I can't say a lot has changed. But deep inside, I know something has. Something so significant yet infinitestimally so that I forgot to notice it.

I read once that people need reasons to stay. I agree and I have proven this to be true. What I didnt get then was that this also works vice-versa. People, too, need reasons to leave. I had my reasons. But I never really got to undertand these til now.

And so I have lived the last few months in near seclusiom, wanting to find solace and warmth from the chill thah hang just outside my window pane.

And so I have waited it out for the last few dews that have tormented my mornings to dry up.

The monster inside is weak. But it is not gone. Despite the rumbles albeit soft that I hear on rainy nights, life has turned out well for this corner I call my life. And its true when they say that things change and people change. I've written that line before. I've said it so many times too. But for the record, let me say it diffirently this time. Things change if people change.

Enough said. For Now.