My Little Piece of Sky

And as I write this, I'm right beside my window looking out. It's raining outside, and the clouds are too low, you think I could touch them. The rain's so fine its almost invisible. Yet I see them.

Something about today wants to make me look up to the skies. I should be somewhere else, doing something else. Yet I grabbed a chair, placed it right next to my window, and stared out. Do I see something? Should I see something?

I don't. But I suddenly feel that this is my place today. If something ever comes out of this, I'll tell you soon. For now, let me enjoy my piece of sky by my window side.

You?

It surprised me. It took me but a moment to realize how much I like you. I mean...you?

I should have known it from the time I started dreaming about you. From the time you started showing me the extra attention which I thought bothered me. When you stopped paying me the extra time, I kinda missed it. But...you?

I dont know where this is going. Or if it is even going somewhere. My heart tells I should just go on with the ride. But my mind tells me I've been travelling too far and wide without really going anywhere. This shouldn't really be a difficuly decision. It can't be...you.

Enough Said. For Now.

I couldn't say exactly when I started feeling great again. I can't say a lot has changed. But deep inside, I know something has. Something so significant yet infinitestimally so that I forgot to notice it.

I read once that people need reasons to stay. I agree and I have proven this to be true. What I didnt get then was that this also works vice-versa. People, too, need reasons to leave. I had my reasons. But I never really got to undertand these til now.

And so I have lived the last few months in near seclusiom, wanting to find solace and warmth from the chill thah hang just outside my window pane.

And so I have waited it out for the last few dews that have tormented my mornings to dry up.

The monster inside is weak. But it is not gone. Despite the rumbles albeit soft that I hear on rainy nights, life has turned out well for this corner I call my life. And its true when they say that things change and people change. I've written that line before. I've said it so many times too. But for the record, let me say it diffirently this time. Things change if people change.

Enough said. For Now.

Silent, Warm Arm

And it starts with that simple feeling. Vaguely noticeable yet uncontrollable. Dreamy eyes, floating glances. The feeling grows. It engulfs and spreads. Suddenly its not so simple anymore. You know its there and you start to fight it. For a moment, it lets go. The feeling bids its time. As silent as a shadow, it comes creeping back. It embraces those who are not wary. And you know you've lost when you decide to embrace it back.


I dont know what you're thinking, but I'm talking about sleep...
Silent as a shadow, its engulfing the unwary I. It creeps and spreads and I lie here, finally embraced by sleep's warm arms...

Lovely, Just Lovely

So...
I don't know where this emotion is coming from. Lately, I have been feeling irritated with most people that I normally have a "good time" with. I suddenly just felt like I needed to do something else, perhaps someplace else...but really, I dont even care if I get there. Maybe its all pent-up feelings I tried to control before. I have a lways been a people-pleaser, remember? Five months ago, I quit doing that. No more amenable, easygoing, nice, Jing. Forget the old everyone's bestfriend, no-devil-can-hurt charmer that I have always been. I have grown tired of pleasing people. Maybe its time to please myself, eh? Fair enough, I suppose.

So...
I am more at peace with my world these days. In fact, I have started hearing the midnight hums that I used to hear before (refer to old posts if you must wonder). These days, I can wake up in the middle of the night, and smile to myself for that wonderful feeling only a person in touch with his own being can feel. I can stay up the whole day alone without doing anything really, and still sleep like a baby by mid afternoon and well way into the night. I have begun oil painting, renewed my passion for books and films and writing. I have been spending more quality time with people who really matter, and yes, life's a blast. It has been so long since I've last felt this - and the best part of it is that I know I totally deserve this.

Lovely, just lovely.

The Bohemian Adventurer

I am...
Speechless...or wordless or however you want to call it. Fact, I have not been writing for the longest time. I didn't think there was anything worth writing about. But then I look back to everything I have written, and I ask, "Who the fuck cares, anyway?" I don't think anybody still reads this shit. I know I don't. At least not until I've jumped from all sites imaginable and just too lazy to get out of my PC chair. Not until I feel so bored and restless and hopeless do I get the nerve to actually go back to this site to start smelling the flowers again.

Why do I run? Why do I wander from place to place trying to justify that I live the life of a great bohemian adventurer ready to take on the world? When in fact, all I really want to do is to stay put and put a semblance of permanency in my life. When all I really hope for is to stay long enough at any one place at any one time to grow some roots and maybe even just bloom a little. But no, see I set a fleeting pace to my very existence and leap bounds of distances as if I was running away for my life.

When do I stop? When do I set the pace so that it actually matches my heartbeat? How long can I go and how hard can I still give? In time I will have to admit I've grown tired. I'm sure I'm not built to last this way.