please

i honestly don't know what to say. i have been on a temporary blog hiatus simply because...
simply because.
let's put it this way. i am content. i am okay. work is a little stressful these days. but heck, i get paid to do my job, so i am not about to complain, ayt? let's see...
mama is temporarily staying with us at the Metro. for some reason, papa and her are facing a problem that they should have had years ago. old parents shouldn't have to feel jealousy anymore. papa, of all people, is the most confident, secure and pride-ful human being i know and he shouldn't be feeling this at all. at this point in his life when he has so much achievements, and the family as stable as ever, why should he pick on my mother about a boyfriend she had 33 years ago? never mind that this ex boyfriend was a general. never mind that he is now an executive of a well-known telecommunications company. the reality is, mama married my papa and we all know how mama cherishes their marriage. for 28 years, i have seen how mama loved this family. i have seen her take care of her children and her husband. and i have seen her sacrifices to make this family complete. papa, on the other hand, has never been a jealous person - not as a husband, at least. the question that keeps racking my brain these days is why...
and so we talked, mama and i. everytime i go home, mama comes up to my room to talk to me. i let her talk, she says it lightens her load. connie talks to papa. i don't. it's not because i am, have always been, a mama's girl, but because i don't think their relationship is any part of my problems. i said to connie, "let's move on with our life, let them be". if mama wants to stay here, and papa there, what in this fucking world could i fucking do about it? nada, right?
but no. you see, my sister memeng is so affected with the situation. she has been so depressed that she actually fell physically ill these last couple of days. she has cramps, fever and headaches and she couldn't sleep at night. believe it or not, my sister who is the source of laughter and comic antics at home now resigns herself to slouching on the couch and staring at nothing. i call my brother macky who is with papa, and he has tears in his voice. he whispers on the phone and tells me to call him back once papa is out of earshot. it breaks my heart to see my younger siblings this way. more than anything, i treat them almost like kids because i have been the oldest sister to all of them. connie's tough, i have no qualms about that. if i do breakdown, i know she'd take over. but please don't let my kid sis and my only brother see my parents this way. i have always been proud of my family. with all shams and drudgeries in this world, my family have always been my wall of strength, my parents were my shield of security. take away my family, and i am left to nothing. break us apart, and you'll see me break down.
oh god, please don't do this.