No Hope

I moved into my new apartment about 2 months ago. It was bigger, more expensive and much more comfortable than the pad I've lived in for about 3 years. I was maybe a little too busy enjoying my new pseudo-home that I really havent gotten around to unpacking those "extra boxes" of burloluys (bits and ends).

A few days ago, I was lazying around in my new room thinking about the future when I remembered that I was on my way to my 6th month in my new job. Here comes regularization. Not to mention big bonuses and increases. Then I began to remember that I haven't filed for a TIN transfer yet. (See, my new company wants to make sure that all its employees file in their branch- so I have to transfer BIR's -since my branch is in Makati and their's is in Ortigas--Weird. Are'nt we allowed to file in any branch?) Wait, I'm digressing.

So there, I was lazying around when I suddenly found it important to look for my BIR papers. It should be inside one of those unpacked boxes under my stairs, I said to myself. I almost wished I was brazen enough to face tax evasion lest I find myself rummaging through those things which I now wish I haven't brought along. See, anything and everything were in there. From old, unread magazines to unworn bracelets gifts that have tarnished through the months. (For the love of god, whe did I even think of bringing these along in the first place?) And so I hauled my lazy ass off and began the dreaded obligation of unpacking those seemingly useless-important stuff.

Of course, whenever I try to poke around old things, I never can resist the temptation of reading and browing through everything. I fiddled with an old alarm clock. Read through some notes in college. I had a blast examining old loveletters. And before I knew it, I was taking a trip through time.

I found an old poem which really meant a lot to me back then. Back then means the days when everything was just in shambles and I couldn't seem to make up my mind with what I want to do with my life. Here, I just wanted to share it:


No Hope

I've tried everything
Been there,
Done that
But not Hope
Never Hope
I started with Winstons
Reds first, then lights
Shifted to Marlboros
Reds, to be exact
It went on and on
'Til I tried menthols
The green ones
Yes, those cool ones
But then there was Phillip Morris
Greener ones, cooler ones
And so I did that too
'Til I found out that
Menthols could impotent you
So I went back to reds
That seductive Marlborto Red
So alluring, so inspiring,
So...red.
But then the Golds came out
Marlboro Gold...so elegant
So timeless
So...gold
It hit home
And I felt it
I liked it
I never really felt Hope
Because Inever really had Hope
No Hope
Never Hope
(May 30, 2002)

Things have changed since then. Things are much, much better now. But I think it still helps to look back every once in a while. The poem above still holds the same emotion as when the night that I wrote it. I don't think its ever gonna go away. The past is like that sometimes. I think it has its own way of keeping up in one way or another. And oh, in my case, it had to be through old boxes under my staircase.


By the way, I was able to retrieve my BIR/TIN papers. The thing is, I still haven't filed for my TIN transfer yet. Haha, I'd better hurry lest it catches up with me too.