How I Spent Christmas

And so it was Christmas. I took a leave from the Metro to go home for the last time this year. 3 nights, 4 days. Quite enough time to spend the Holiday Season peacefully with the people most special to me. Not too short to miss out so much, and not too long for me and my mom to start killing driving each other nuts.

A week before I was set to go home, I was feeling all giddy and Christmas-sy. A month before that, I was already done with all my Christmas shopping. A couple of days before I was set to go, I had all my gifts packed in a box 2 big boxes and sent them to my folks already. So see, I was all ready and roaring to go spend my 2005 Holidays to the ol' provencal Ilocos where my folks live up to this day.

First Night - I got home on the eve of the 24th. I was expecting a nice, cozy, warm dinner with close family members, then perhaps another round of devouring (ahihi, devour talaga, antakaw!) the leftovers after attending the midnight mass. Surpise, surprise...
For the life of me, I don't know where my mother picks up old, obscure relatives who just pop out of nowhere. Yeah, yeah, its Christmas-time for givin-time for sharin- all that crap, but jeez...who the heck are these people? Excuse me, you're seating on my seat at the dining table. Excuse me, you're drinking from my wineglass. Excuse me, you stepped on my toe. FREAKIN EXCUSE ME, YOU ARE FREAKIN TAKING UP MY SPACE. And oh, Merry Christmas, by the way.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my relatives. Those that I'm familiar with, at least. But for those who can't get pass through saying, "Ang taba mo ngayon ha." and "Kumusta ang studies?" I have 2 answers dear remote relatives: 1st - You haven't seen me for years. What's your basis for comparison? When was I ever thinner to you?" 2nd - "I've graduated eons ago..duh!" Naman, naman!
By the time our home was left with my "familiar" relatives, we were all too tired to go to mass already. We decided to attend the next morning instead. We were so mighty tired that night that all we did to cap the night off was to play monopoly. I know, it sounds pretty juvenile, but I'm proud to say it's one of my family's favorite pastimes (parents included).
Here's papa and tita Sheng with Meng giving out "emergency gifts" to the "emergency relatives"

2nd day - Pleasant surprises.
Arvi, an old friend came by and we spent half a day catching up on each other's lives. It was a pretty lazy day, with the first part of the morning spent on playing monopoloy. The whole family attended mass in the afternoon. We had dinner out. Before we slept for the night, we had another round at monopoloy. Now I don't know the real deal between monopoly and the Trinidad kids but I think this is a game that we have never really outgrown. My brother, who is the youngest in the family is already in college. My folks are in their early fifties. Moi, is about a couple of years from my tridecade anniversary. But when we play monopoly, you'd think all of us are kids again.


Here's Con dealing out some moolah. Look how serious we
all are. You'd think we were holding authentic cuartas huh?








And here's papa and mama trying to
outsmart their kids. Ma dreadfully lost
this round by the way. As ever, tapunan
naman siya ng tukso. :)

3rd day- I got sick. It was the sickest I've felt the entire year and it just got me so frustrated co'z I had so many things set to do.I was supposed to meet up with Arvi and another old friend, Ramil to try out some of the local bars. At the same time, I was supposed to have lunch at Tata's (grandpa's) house. And of course, there was the usual monopoly to drain me of energy. But as it was, I barely got up from bed. I gave it my best shot to go to Tata's house though. I am rarely ever home and kinda' miss my older folks.

At Tata's House (left-right standing): Mama, moi, lula Samma, Mai, (keft-right sitting): tita Sheng, Tata, Meng, and the 2 kids are Janna (with the tongue) and Nikka.

4th day - I didn't go out at all. My temp's mighty high and I just spent the whole day marathoning James Bond movies with Macky. That night, I had a trip booked for Manila. So much for temporary hiatus. My 4 days and 3 nights are up. I was feeling all shitty inside because of me fever, but I felt good inside. I needed this vacation. If only for once a year, I get to be sane again, if only for once a year, I get to spend quality with my family again - all for the price of getting sick, damn, gimme sickness once a month. I love this. I feel warm and fuzzy and woozy and whatever. I feel loved and I feel blessed. Haha, I'm babbling. Who cares? Merry Christmas everyone. (and that includes ALL relatives too!) - in the spirit of giving and sharing, I have decided to ignore that you only show up during the "giving" season.

Year In Review:2005

Lifted from Tasha's blog. The idea is to repost the last sentence of the first entry of each month in 2005 and call it "Year In Review". Hmm..Lemme see...I've been blogging for less than a year, but I wanna see if I had been making sense all this time.

Here goes...

MAY

Will the creative juices keep up? We'll see...We'll see..

JUNE

perhaps not.

JULY

Pero tama na muna.

AUGUST

ouch--move my screen to the left please..i can't move...

SEPTEMBER

you know who you are.

OCTOBER

I would be so famous, you would forget your name first before you miss out saying Siyoktong!

NOVEMBER

Before I completely waste this entry and delete it altogether, I'm gonna stop writing-right now.

DECEMBER

Let's watch it!

Does it make sense?

Oh yes!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

I love you all! MWAH!

empty roads

I said: I'm not happy anymore.
You said: I'm not happy anymore.
I said: I'm tired.
You said: I'm tired.
I said: I couldn't make you happy.
You said: I couldn't make you happy.

Together, we couldn't make us happy anymore.
We were in the middle of the road.
Not going right nor left.
But you left.
And I left.
No goodbyes.
Just tears.
We are both scarred.
But both stronger.
So what now.
The road was already empty.

Google Meme

Tasha, you tagger, you! I know I hate bein' tagged but this looked pretty interesting, so what the heck. Let's!
{Here's the rule. Go "Google" each answer and post the 1st image that comes up} --> did I get it right Tash?


1. The age you will be on your next birthday: 26
January 2. Mark your calendars sweeties. If you're around the Metro by then, crash by my place. Really. Ring me up at +639278807029 for details.


2. The place you live: DILIMAN
Like du-h..what else could be in Diliman but the good ol' UP, ayt?


3. Your favorite Color: ORANGE
{image is from a phone company site or sumthin like that}


4. The place you want to get married: A SECLUDED GARDEN



5. Your first love: DRIVING
Not exactly the vehicle I had in mind, but see, I've wanted to drive for the longest time and when I finally learned, I got baptized with a shitty car crash-UGH


6. Your favorite fruit or vegetable: EGGPLANT
Torta please.


7. Your favorite animal: TURTLE
I've never had any other pet. Turtles, always turtles.


8. The surname of your favorite actor/actress: HANKS
Actor, extraordinaire. Amen.


9. The name of a pet: FRUITCAKE
The name of my first Turtle


10. Your favorite song right now: ASSUMING
An old song I wrote during the old times in Bukubunduking YUPIELBI.
--> the image is the cover of a book by Rick Whitaker.

11. A bad habit of yours: GLUTTONY
So? Sue me.


12. Your middle name: BUMANGLAG
No one ever knew about my middle name back in college except my bestfriend Lei. About time I let the world know! :)
-->This image is from the Bumanglag clan's official website.

_____________________
I'm tagging
mayu
gary
manok
shelly

scared-shit

I'm scared.
And so I was taking a poop and doing a little reading. For some reason, the 1st book I was able to grab to read while doing the deed was a Christopher Pike horror fiction. I love Mr. Pike. His works are included in those few books that I have never stopped reading since elementary days. And have I said why? Uhm, Christopher Pike's works of fiction scare the shit out of me. There.
[to continue with the story...]
So I was there, taking a sh*t, and I was reading Pike, and demmet (!) I felt all my hair stand without any warning. And oh, did I tell you that I was alone in the house? Yeah, my sisters and my maid went home to the province earlier this morning.
[again, to continue with the story...]
I was so scared-shit that I didn't close my eyes one bit when I proceeded to take my shower. So come hell or high waters and shampoo, and soap and facial wash, I faced it all with not so much a blink of an eye. Reason? I was afraid I'd see someone else in the bathroom with me [once I open my chinky eyes again].
Oh man! What a juvenile, I am. You'd think I would have outgrown this, huh? Na-ah...
Hainaco Mr. Pike, you sure scare the shit outta' me! [no pun, no pun...]

Natural Highs

Falling in love *** Laughing so hard your face hurts *** A hot shower***

A special glance*** Getting mail***Taking a drive on a pretty road***

Hearing your favorite song on the radio***Lying in bed listening to the rain outside***

Hot towels out of the dryer***Walking out of your last final exam***

Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price. Chocolate milkshake***

A long distance phone call*** A bubble bath***Giggling***A good conversation***

The beach***Finding a hundred bill in your coat from last December***

Laughing at yourself***Midnight phone calls that last for hours***

Running through sprinklers***Laughing for absolutely no reason at all***

Having someone tell you that you're beautiful***

Laughing at an inside joke***Friends***Falling in love for the first time***

Slumber parties***

Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you***

Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep***

Your first kiss***Being part of a team***

Making new friends or spending time with old ones***

Playing with a new puppy***

Late night talks with your siblings that keep you from sleeping***

Having someone play with your hair***Sweet dreams***

Hot chocolate***Road trips with friends***Swinging on swings***

Watching a good movie cuddled up on a couch with someone you love***

Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking eggnog***

Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid***

Going to a really good concert***Making eye contact with a cute stranger***

Winning a really competitive game***

Making chocolate chip cookies***

Having your friends send you homemade cookies***

Spending time with close friends***

Running through the fountains with your friends***

Riding a bike downhill***The feeling after running a few miles-an accomplishment***

The feeling you get the first time you step on stage***

Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends***

Holding hands with someone you care about***

Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change***

Discovering that love is unconditional and stronger than time***

Riding the best roller coasters over and over***

Hugging the person you love***

Watching the expression someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you***

Kisses on your forehead***Watching the sunrise***

Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.

In An Effort To Understand You Better

How do I tell you?
Disappointment is such a reality
And it tires even the most patient of hearts
But I plow ahead
And hit head on
Knowing well that its worth it in the end
But feeling this
Knowing this
And having this
Just drive me to pieces
For how much I can take
And for how long I would give
Is the question that baffles
Even the wisest of minds
I'm near
Almost
But its the farthest I've felt
From you
_________________________________

When I asked you said yes. But at the last minute, we were back at no. I am not one who takes this lightly. You know me better than this. I need plans to survive. I need time to go on. Sometimes I wonder if I am still myself. There used to be a time when time need not matter. When plans were just bubbles. I wish I could be nonchalant about this. I hope there was a way to make up. If in the end things would remain, I am afraid that we could be no longer. No longer sweetie. No longer.

frustrated!

I am just so freaking frustrated right now, it's not even funny anymore. So fine, you are who you are, and I know we're both doing our jobs, but you're not paying me to do this, alright? I didn't even ask for this pro bono shit, but when I got it on my lap, served on a silver platter, if I may add, you didn't hear anything from me. Not a grunt, nor a sigh - not any trace of complaint! And so I'm doing what I'm supposed to do now and you, above all, should also know what you should be doing. But no. You give me that phoney smile, and say I should go about this on my own and you finish your day without knowing that you just wasted a day's worth of my time. It's not as if I asked for your help. It's not as if I want you to do my job. But listen, if you had paused for a moment and give a real thought to the this crap-ass we call our work, you should have known there was no way to do my job without your stupid (in) decision!

I hope you hear my grunts right now. These sighs that have been escaping my lips so utterly tell me I am complaining. Hear that? I AM FREAKIN COMPLAINING ALREADY! I've kept quiet all these time, but see, you make it so bloody difficult for me to breathe the same air you do. Yeah, my friend was right - You shouldn't demand for respect. You earn it. And if you should ask, no, you haven't earned one iota from me.

Capish?
Fuck off.
Whew...
{breathe in-breathe out}
I'm okay now.

pooped. drained. bushed. dead-beat.

I'm pooped. Drained. Bushed. Dead-beat.
What can I say, I just feel tired these days. And as ever, a tired body almost always brings out the tired soul in me.

I feel weary. And at times like this (you need a juicy? -corny!), I find writing a comfort. This is my comfort zone. I don't consider myself a writer. I will never write a novel that people would buy. I will not be winning awards for poems, stories or essays. But guys I have to admit, I don't write too bad either. If I were, you wouldn't be reading this anymore. But I digress.

Vulnerability is something that not a lot of people would associate me with. I can only count a handful of people who would say I am vulnerable. And there's much less who have seen me in such a state. But yes, I am vulnerable.

I hurt easily, much too easily. And I cry far more than you can imagine me to. I too, get tired. And most of the time, I would feel like caving in and have someone take care of me. Like most people, I pine for affection. I yearn for warmth. I, too, need a shoulder to cry on, a wall to lean on, a hand to cling to.

Oh yes, there is no better feeling in the world than to be in control. When it seems that everything has been laid to plans and nothing could seem to raze the foundations you've built. There is this high point when you think you've done all you could and everything has just been perfect. But see, after that high point, you get down from your platform and everything else is just empty. And you try to get the feeling again but the moment has passed. Life doesn't always work looking your way. And the emptiness lingers. And you feel tired...

...Pooped.. Drained... Bushed... Dead-beat.

"Ang Pagdadalaga..."

I'm endorsing this film not only because I know the director (Auraeus Solito) personally, as we have belonged to the same artsy-fartsy group in the past. This film has been accorded much respect, award and appreciation from film critics around the world. It's now showing in Philippine Cinemas. Let's watch it!